


Woot Woot Potterstuck AU

by Biophosphoradelecrystalluminescence



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Potterstuck, Quidditch, Ravenclaw, Slytherin, Tags May Change, im surprised that wasnt an official tag, there won't be any real shipping for a while, they're eleven right now so obviously it'd be weird to have actual relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-09-14 16:52:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9194240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Biophosphoradelecrystalluminescence/pseuds/Biophosphoradelecrystalluminescence
Summary: We'll take the Homestuck characters and PUSH THEM SOMEWHERE ELSEThis is gonna be a story focusing on all four beta kids and their adventures in Hogwarts, featuring entire chapters decicated to each character.First chapter is John, second Jade, blah blah blah I'm sure you can figure it out. It's not as bad as it sounds, I promise.





	1. ARE YA READY KIDS? AYE AYE CAPTAIN

**Author's Note:**

> Wow! Another fanfic?? Arent you working on like a million other ones? Thank you for that question. Yes I do have about a billion other fics that still havent been completed. Im really good at starting fics and then never finishing them but im determined to do something with all of them in the future.
> 
> Okay so in this AU, the beta kids all go to Hogwarts. We're pretending Hogwarts is in the States and that Harry Potter was never a thing. Just stick the kids in Hogwarts and we'll see what happens.
> 
> The first four chapters will be each of them individually, and then i dont know what will happen after that lol. In later chapters, there may be some headcanons involved that i didnt actually come up with but i trust future me to tell you when something isnt my original idea.

Your name is John Egbert and holy hell are you both terrified and excited.   
  
On your eleventh birthday, you received a letter from Professor Dumbledore himself telling you that you will be starting your first year at Hogwarts. The letter itself wasn't exactly a surprise to you. You come from a wizarding family so the idea of magic isn't new to you. Your mom was a muggle, but your dad is a wizard who taught you a bunch of simple magic so you wouldn't be completely lost when they taught you the more difficult magic in school. He mostly just taught you how to control your magic until you could get your own wand, as well as the techniques for a few basic spells. However, despite completely expecting the arrival of such a thing, the letter was still exciting to receive and your dad actually had it framed and hung it up on the wall because he was so proud of you. 

About four months after receiving the letter, your dad took you to Diagon Alley to purchase some of the basic essentials for school. You got fitted in some robes, picked out all the first-year readings and even got to scope out all the pets you could possibly bring, just in case you decide you want a companion. You may or may not have managed to convince your dad to get you your own owl which is super cool, and you named her Casey after the daughter of your favourite movie character. You then stopped at Olivander's, and Olivander himself welcomed you upon arrival. He greeted your dad politely, correctly recalled the wand he gave him when he was first starting at Hogwarts, and proceeded to have you test various wands. After a few tries, you ended up with a plain-looking ten inch mahogany wand with a simple and comfortable to hold handle, with a unicorn hair core.

Your dad let you practice some basic charms and spells in preparation for school, and told you how proud he was when you got something right. He even recorded some of your successes on his phone so he could look back on it later when you're a school.  
  
Now you're standing here next to your father and staring up at the Hogwarts Express in awe. There are a lot of other families here too. Some are grinning wide with pride, others are sobbing on their children, and others yet are standing stoically and telling their kids to have a good year (though the last one generally only applies to older students who have already been through this a bunch of times before).   
  
The train finally pulls up a few minutes later and your dad hugs you tightly, tears pricking in the corners of his eyes and telling you how proud he is of you. He helps you load your trunk onto the train, hugs you one last time and tells you he'll send letters as often as he can before finally sending you off.   
  
You climb on the train and wave one final goodbye. Then you head inside to find a compartment to sit in for the ride there. A lot of them are already full, and it takes you a while to find a place to sit. Some of the compartments do have empty seats, but the people sitting inside  look pretty intimidating, such as one with a really big sweaty guy. I mean, you don't want to get some huge muscle-y guy's sweat on you! That's disgusting! You finally find a safe looking spot with two girls in it. They look pretty harmless so you head inside and ask if you can take a seat. They both nod and welcome you warmly.

They ask you what your name is and you splutter out a quick "John" so they stop staring at you expectantly like they are. The blonde one holds out a hand and tells you her name is Rose Lalonde and that it's a pleasure to meet you. You take the hand and shake it politely, but kind of laugh inside because she sounds like she's trying to be an adult and it really is not working. The dark-haired girl follows suit and offers that her name  is Jade, and that she was so excited to start school that she couldn't even sleep last night. You tell her you feel really anxious too and she explains excitedly about how she hopes she gets into Gryffindor and how she hopes the botany teacher is nice because that is one of her favourite subjects and a lot of other stuff.

You start to tune her out because man can this girl talk and talk and talk. That is, until a blond boy with sunglasses covering, like, half his face stumbles in and asks if he can sit with you guys. Rose nods again and he sits down across from you with a thump. He says his name is Dave, lets everyone else introduce themselves as well, and then plugs headphones into his phone, cranks up the volume and leans back in his seat, effectively blocking you all out.

He seems like a douche, and you really hope he doesn't realize yet that electronics don't work at Hogwarts so bringing his phone was pointless.

After that, you fall into easy conversation with Jade and Rose. Jade talks a lot, and mostly leads the conversation. She talks some more about how she really wants to be in Gryffindor, but that Ravenclaw seems pretty cool too. You tell her that you'll probably be put in Hufflepuff since that's where your dad was placed when he came here. Rose says she's expecting to be put in Ravenclaw. You all talk about how you're going to try to keep in touch so you know at least a few people in school.

Dave eventually seems to get bored of his music (or he gets more interested in your conversation) and asks about the different houses, since apparently he's from a muggle family, and then proceeds to proclaim that he will definitely be a Slytherin since it definitely seems like the most badass house. Jade ends up questioning him about what being from a muggle family is like, since she is from a pure-blooded family and hasn't ever really interacted with muggle culture.

The rest of the train ride goes like this. You all discuss your home lives, what you're most excited for at Hogwarts and other random stuff. It really helps to pass the time.

You've decided that Rose seems like the kind of girl who would keep quiet and observe everyone else before finally stepping in, like she's figuring out what kind of conversation works best with the people she's with. She also kind of seems like she can probably read minds even though you know that's impossible. She's pretty scary but also cool. Dave did seem kind of like an asshole but he wasn't as bad once you got him talking about more than just his shitty webcomic and the puppets his brother makes (you say 'you' but in actuality Rose is the one who got him to finally stray away from that topic. There were a lot more innuendos than you expected from her). Jade is pretty scary, but that might just be because she's eleven years old and a complete beast compared to all the other kids her age. She could totally kick your ass, and probably anyone else's ass she wanted to  if you're being completely honest. You bet she could even kick Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's ass. Not that anyone should ever kick Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's ass. You don't condone the kicking of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's ass because he seems like a really genuine guy and he definitely doesn't deserve it. She is also probably the most sweet person you've ever met. There was a fly in your cabin, and instead of letting any of you kill it, she caught it (you were all thoroughly impressed) and let it out the window.

Once the train stops, you all begin the trek up to the school together, rowing across the lake to get up to there.

By the time you get there, you're all extremely tired and mostly just want to eat and sleep. All the first years are gathered in front of the door to the Great Hall, waiting excitedly for the doors to open and let you all rush in and find out what house you're in. Everyone is buzzing with excitement at the prospect.

You stand next to Jade, Rose and Dave again. You all end up making a promise to each other that even if you're in different houses, you'll still stay friends. On the journey here, you managed to really start to like them, especially the girls. They were both super friendly and you could totally see yourself hanging out with them in the future. Maybe Dave too but you're not as keen on him just yet.

A professor walks through the door and proceeds to give a really long speech about what'll happen inside that you only half listen to, and then you're all suddenly flooding into the dining hall, surrounded on either side by frenzied first years and older students sitting at their respective tables and applauding your arrival. A thrill goes down your spine as you all gather around the sorting hat.

It goes quiet, and Dumbledore steps up to the podium, introducing you all as the new first years. And then he gestures to an ugly hat on a stool. Dave actually whispers to you that it looks like something from his webcomic, which you kind of snicker at.

Then the hat begins speaking and Dave jumps, not expecting an inanimate object to speak, you guess.

It's a really long song about how he's ugly but he's still a smart hat and gives a basic rundown of each of the houses, and once again you zone out for most of it because you just want to get this over with at this point in the day.

After his song, Professor McGonagall walks back up to the podium, scroll in hand, and begins calling names. Of course, since it's in alphabetical order, you have to go before Rose, Dave and Jade, though you're by no means the first person of all the first years to go, obviously. You're so nervous when you walk up there that you've actually got tremors running through your hands. You sit carefully on the stool and the professor puts the hat on your head.

You can immediately hear a voice inside your head and it is the most bizarre feeling in the world.

"Hmm, yes, Egbert. I remember that name. Your father, he was a Hufflepuff, was he not? Interesting. You're not very much like your father though, very curious. Hufflepuffs tend to be very patient individuals, but you certainly are not as patient as most. You're definitely much braver than you see yourself to be though. Let's see... I think you'd most prosper in..."

"GRYFFINDOR!"

You're shocked, sitting stock still and only moving again once the professor actually removes the hat from your head herself. You were always sure you'd be a Hufflepuff. You'd always thought you were just like your dad, but the sorting hat seems to believe different. The table with the bright red flag over it erupts with applause, and you hesitantly make your way over to them, taking your spot next to another first year who was called up before you. You're so shocked that you barely even pay attention to the rest, mostly just clapping after each student is placed in a house. You even somehow manage to miss Jade, Rose and Jade being placed which sucks because now you don't know where they are or if you'll ever even see them again.

After everyone is sorted, Dumbledore stands up to give a speech, telling you all some basic rules, when classes start, and a bunch of other stuff that mostly just seems like common knowledge. Like, who is going to go into the Forbidden Forest? It's called that for a reason. You're not going in there, so he doesn't have to tell you it's forbidden.

And then dinner starts.

They have basically every food you could possibly imagine. You load up your plate with as much as you can because it's been a long day and you're practically starving to death. You try to eat slowly just because you know you'll regret it later if you eat too fast, and you end up slowing yourself down by chatting with your neighbours. Everyone seems relatively friendly, and you make an effort to remember their names at least.

After dinner, you're all brought up to the dormitories for bed. You're lead by a Gryffindor prefect, who was apparently already told the password for the door. You can guarantee you'll forget it by tomorrow, and you'll definitely get lost if you try to go anywhere. You're shown to where you will be staying and find that all your luggage is already next to your bed. You don't even bother changing into pyjamas before you doze off to sleep.


	2. I CAN'T HEAR YOUUUU! AYE AYE CAPTAIN!!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for Jade! Hmmmm I wonder what will happen. Probably pretty much the same thing that happened in John's chapter except with a special Harley twist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who got around to doing a really quick edit of the first chapter? It was me! Guess who didn't edit this one though? It was also me...
> 
> Trust me though, once the first introductory chapters are done, the story will get a little more interesting. I promise. I've got so many things planned!
> 
> Also, sorry if any characters are a little ooc. I'm trying my best but some characters are kinda difficult for me to write. This one wasn't too bad since it's a young Jade which is basically just really excited about everything child. If anything about my characterisations, bugs you though, feel free to tell me and I'll do my best to fix it.

Your name is Jade Harley and school is about to start and you are so excited!

You come from a pure-blooded wizarding family. This means you've been around magic for your entire life. It also means you know basically nothing about the lives of muggles, which sucks because they are so so so fascinating  to you! How do they live without magic? It's always been a mystery to you. You don't think you could manage to get by without at least some magic, but maybe that's just because you've used it your whole life.

You live with your grandpa, the coolest guy you know. Your parents died when you were super young so you don't really remember much about them. That's okay though, because your grandpa is an amazing guardian! He's been teaching you all sorts of magic since you were little, and he tells you you're a really fast learner. You apparently took to magic like a fish to water. He's taught you a wide variety of different stuff, from botany to charms to transfiguration to defensive magic. You don't even need a wand to be able to perform some of the easier stuff (but sometimes it's too difficult to go without so you have to borrow your grandpa's). You know for a fact you could skip at least three years of school and still not have missed anything you didn't already know.

You won't do that though.

Obviously.

You love learning, and maybe the teachers will let you learn some more advanced stuff if they see how far ahead you are.

You're also not going to skip any school because you're super excited about being able to make friends! You've only ever had grandpa and your dog, Bec, as friends since you live on an island, and the opportunity to befriend every single person at the school will not be passed up just because you're ahead of the rest of the kids your age. You're going to make friends with everyone you can! It's so exciting!

A few weeks ago, you and grandpa went to Diagon Alley to shop for all your school supplies. You got some robes (which will soon have your house colours on them!), as well as all your books and supplies. You met Mr Olivander, who let you test out a bunch of wands until you found one that just sort of fit you, a fancy looking one with cool vine patterns running along it with a unicorn hair as its core. Grandpa let you get a frog at the pet store, since even though it isn't exactly one of the pets you're allowed to bring, you can probably pass it off as a toad. You named the frog Mr Universe since you think space and the universe in general are really cool!

After all that, you had to begin packing, which took a lot longer than you thought. You didn't really realize how much stuff you had to bring until you had to put an extension charm on your luggage so you could cram more stuff in.

And now, after saying a hearty goodbye to grandpa, you've boarded the train. You end up finding a somewhat empty compartment. By that, you mean that only one person is occupying it. She's sitting in the corner, nose stuffed in a super thick novel that looks way too advanced for her age. You decide to ask if you can sit here since she looks like she's probably pretty lonely right now. She tells you that you're welcome to sit with her and you bounce into the compartment to sit right across from her.

She holds out her hand and says her name is Rose. You take it and shake it vigorously, telling her your own name in return. Then she begins asking where you came from and about your family. You tell her all about your island and your grandpa and Bec and everything. She in return tells you about her mother and her cat, Jaspers, and about how she grew up with magic because her mom is a witch but that her father, before he left, wasn't magical at all. It's pretty interesting to hear all about her life, honestly.

You tell her that you come from a pure-blooded family, so you know basically nothing about muggle life. She tells you about some of the basics, such as cars and television and all that stuff. It's pretty fascinating! She tells you that she isn't exactly the best person to ask about muggles since her mother was a witch and used magic rather than muggle technology a lot of the time. She tells you though that she's sure you're bound to meet someone who can satisfy your craving for muggle information.

Shortly after that conversation, a boy shows up at your compartment door. He looks kind of nervous but he manages to ask firmly if he can sit with you guys as well. Of course, you tell him that he can. You're not about to reject him for no reason!

He sits down and Rose introduces herself the same way she did for you. You tell him that your name is Jade, and he tells you guys he is John. He seems to warm up to the two of you fairly quickly and you all talk about basically anything that comes to mind until the compartment door slides open once more.

Another boy is standing in the doorway, except he's wearing a pair of sunglasses that cover over half his face. He asks if he can sit with you guys , and you all tell him he can. He flops into the seat and pulls out this weird thing he puts over his ears with a string connecting it to a little rectangle thing. This guy seems so cool, and you bet he's from a muggle family too which is fantastic!

Unfortunately, he seems set on ignoring the three of you in favour of listening to the loud music you can hear coming out of the ear thing. The three of you go back to talking and you all end up ignoring the guy until about halfway through the train ride when he takes off the ear things and begins listening to your conversation.

You all begin chatting for the rest of the long train ride, and you learn a lot about each of them. Rose is hoping to one day write a book, though she wouldn't tell you what she wants to actually write about (you could tell she already knew what she wanted to write and just didn't want to divulge that information). Dave has his own popular webcomic, which means basically nothing to you since you're not really familiar with the term. John practices magic at home. But not like real magic, no, he practices what the muggles seem to think is magic but is just a whole lot of mind games and trickery.

You also help Dave understand the Hogwarts houses a little more since apparently he's going into school knowing absolutely nothing about anything.

After a long train ride filled with lots of nervous chattering about school, the train stops and begins to unload. You hop off with lots of enthusiasm, extremely excited for the sorting that will be taking place shortly. You chatter at the three of them about how you've been waiting your whole life for the moment when you find out your house. John tells you he feels completely the same, and that he's pretty sure he'll end up in Hufflepuff because his dad was in that house too. You tell him anything is possible, that maybe he won't be a Hufflepuff. You mean, there's nothing wrong with Hufflepuff, you can just tell that's not really where John wants to be.

You don't really mind which house you end up in. They all seem pretty cool and you know you won't be disappointed, no matter what. You do, however, think Ravenclaw is slightly cooler than the rest. Slightly. Very slightly.

You all make the slow journey up to the school. You chat with Rose to pass the time, John or Dave occasionally butting into the conversation as well. You tell them all that they have to promise to stay friends with each other and yourself no matter where they get sorted. They all seem to agree that  you should all stick together and you're really glad about that. They're the first people you met, after all! That's an important thing to remember!

After some time, you're all now standing inside. There is a lot of nervous chatter buzzing around the room, and you can tell that even John is starting to get kind of nervous.

Eventually, a woman you recognize as Ms McGonagall comes through the doors to greet all the first years. She gives you a little speech before finally letting you all head into the Great Hall.

The room is filled with applause as you all walk in and it's one of the most amazing feelings ever to see all these people so excited about your arrival. You look in awe at the floating candles, the hanging flags for each of the houses, the ceiling that's mimicking the night sky, and you're so happy to be here.

Before you even realize what's happening, you're being called up to the stool next. You hadn't realized you'd been out of it for so long. You bounce your way up to the hat, sitting in the stool and letting McGonagall put it on your head. It drops over your eyes comically, and then you hear it speak.

"Quite the courageous one aren't you? You could definitely thrive in Gryffindor. Hmmm, but I don't think you'd enjoy it there very much. Too fast paced, too many things going on, not enough time. Are you sure you want Gryffindor? No, I didn't think so. I can see every part of your mind, my dear. You can't hide your true desires from me."

"RAVENCLAW!"

The sound of the hat's shout is near deafening in your ears. You're so excited though! You're now officially a Ravenclaw! Grandpa will be so happy to hear that!

You hand off the hat to McGonagall and bolt towards the Ravenclaw table. You plop down next to another first year, and you smile and introduce yourself to her. She seems less keen on introductions right now, presumably because the sorting ceremony is still going on and she doesn't want to interrupt. While waiting for Rose and Dave to get sorted, you look around for John. You end up spotting him sitting at the Gryffindor table (ah you were so close to being in the same house, dang it) with his eyes glazed over and staring at nothing in particular. You feel the same way honestly, with how exhausting today has been. A lot of stuff is changing really quickly. You're in a new environment, living without grandpa or Bec, staying with a bunch of people you've never met before. It's pretty nerve-wracking and you can totally sympathize with John and his zoned-out ways.

Fortunately for you, you're fully aware, so you get to watch Dave and Rose get sorted too! It's pretty exciting, but unfortunately neither of them are in the same house as you. That doesn't mean you'll never see them again, though! You've still got classes where they have multiple houses in the same class. This definitely won't be the last time you see them.

After the sorting, you get to have dinner, and you eat furiously, as does everyone else around you. The smell of delicious food surrounds you, and the amount you just stuffed in your face is beginning to make you sleepy. Luckily, you're brought up to the Ravenclaw common room soon after, and are greeted with a riddle to be solved. The prefect leading the bunch easily solves it, and you all walk into the large room. The prefect goes through everything about the room before you are finally shown where you will be sleeping.

You're happy to see all your luggage sitting beside your bed exactly how you left it before boarding the train. You change into a nightgown and fall asleep almost immediately afterward. It has been a long day today, and you'll need plenty of energy to be able to get through the rest of the year in one piece.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who commented on the first chapter! It really means a lot to me that so many people decided to write something! I don't think you understand my level of appreciation for that!
> 
> I think the common vote was that we have Bro be abusive, which I definitely am not against. It'll definitely make playing with Dave's character a little more fun (and painful probably too). I'm also gonna include the trolls. They're gonna be human and they won't get their own chapters but they'll be in here.
> 
> If you have any suggestions or questions or anything, feel free to send me a message or an ask or whatever at https://socksnboots.tumblr.com/
> 
> (please talk to me! I like talking about my au's! please ask questions!)


	3. OHHHHHHHHHHHH WHO COMES FROM A RICH FAMILY IN NEW YORK CITY? IT'S ROSE LALONDE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose is here now! Yay!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay before you read the chapter, I want you to know that I totally think Rose had an emo phase, and she is living in that phase when she starts at Hogwarts. That's all. Actually no also, I'm gonna post some basic info about everyone (like blood status and stuff) in the notes of the first chapter after all the introductions and stuff. Okay you can read the chapter now! Enjoy!

Your name is Rose Lalonde and, despite your indifferent exterior, you're a little more frightened and a little more excited than you appear.

Like any daughter of a wizarding family ever, you are aware of the existence of Hogwarts, as well as the fact that you will receive a letter on your birthday from said school telling you that you will be enrolled in the next school year. Just as you expected, a letter arrives via owl the morning of your birthday.

Your mother is ecstatic, and she spends the whole day telling you about her own experience at Hogwarts and how you're going to have a great time there. She holds this conversation far longer than you would've liked, and she definitely knows this and is holding you here against your will as a way of escalating the passive-aggressive warfare already going on in your household. You'll get her back later for this, maybe by making a scarf just slightly too long, or writing lewd phrases on the fridge again.

She makes you wait until closer to the start of the school year to go shopping for school supplies. She says it's because she doesn't want all that stuff sitting in her house for months and months until you actually leave because it takes up a lot of space. You're pretty sure she's waiting until an old friend of hers and his son go shopping because she likes his butt. Her friend's butt, not his son's. Just to be clear.

You don't actually end up seeing them at all, and you've never actually met his son, and only seen the father once in your life before very briefly so you wouldn't really know who to look for in the first place anyway.

You do, however, see a really cute kitten that you beg your mother to let you bring to school with you. She tells you that, no, a new kitten would make Jaspers jealous. You explain to her that Jaspers will never meet the kitten and she brings up the fact that you have to come home over the summers, and that school hasn't started yet so Jaspers will definitely meet the kitten. You know she's right in this instance but Jaspers is getting old so it wouldn't matter anyway. You don't argue though, instead deciding that maybe you'll try to distract her for long enough that you can sneak away and buy the cat (this plan all ends up going perfectly, with you distracting her with all the different editions of the same book you're meant to buy, asking her to figure out which one is best based on the slightly varying content it provides. You can't believe the plan actually worked, seeing as it was quite a messy plan with plenty of flaws).

You stop at Olivander's before you leave Diagon Alley to purchase your very first wand. It doesn't take very many tries before he tells you that the wand you're holding is perfect for you. It's made of a lightly-coloured wood, with a Thestral tail hair at its core. It has an odd tentacle-like pattern running up from the base and almost reaching the tip. Overall, you think it certainly fits your grim personality.

At the end of the trip, you walk away with all your supplies, a wand, and a kitten who you have named Vodka Mutiny (named this because of your mother's alcoholic tendencies, as well as your act of mutiny against her by buying this kitten). All in all, it's been a good day.

After the shopping trip is done, you go back home and spend several weeks waiting for the day the train arrives. It feels like forever, although you know that isn't correct at all, since forever doesn't really exist. When the day does come, you spend it excitedly packing the car so you can head on your way.

Your mother drives slowly, which you're pretty sure she is doing intentionally just to torture you. You don't argue though, instead simply wallowing in your own self-pity until you finally arrive at the train station and begin loading all your bags onto a cart.

You haul everything through the large crowds of people, making your way through the secret doorway to the platform where you're to be boarded. You say goodbye to your mother and attempt to leave, but she pulls you into a tight hug. You begrudgingly hug her back and she tells you that she loves you very much and that she hopes you do well in school.

When she finally lets go, you scurry towards the train and scramble in as quickly as you can. You end up sitting in the very first empty compartment you find. You pull out the book you've been reading and begin from the chapter you left off.

It's not very long before you're interrupted by a girl with long dark hair and large, round glasses. She seems like a genuinely happy person at first glance, bouncing her way into the compartment and asking if she can sit with you, large grin on her face. You let her, of course. It would be rude not to do so. You introduce yourselves and begin a light conversation. She definitely seems excited about the start of the school year, and you're sure you could infer that even if she hadn't said it seventeen times.

Someone else walks in soon after, this time a boy with shaggy black hair and glasses (ones of a much more reasonable size than Jade's). He asks if he can sit with you and, once again, you nod. He sits down and introduces himself as John. Jade and yourself continue your previous conversation and John pitches in as well. He also seems like a nice kid, though much calmer than Jade.

Just as the train begins moving, one last person asks if he can sit with the three of you. He has blond hair and dark shades covering his eyes. It looks as if he is trying to seem confident in his every move, but to someone as good at reading people as you, he definitely seems at least slightly scared. You allow him to sit with you, and he drops down into the seat across from John, plugging in some headphones and leaning back to listen to music

You decide not to broach the subject, though this boy definitely seems very interesting to you. You leave him be and begin talking with John and Jade again. While Jade is still boisterous and excited, John is a little more shy, seeming to be a mix of nervous and excited about the prospect of beginning school.

A while after, The other boy, Dave, joins the conversation eventually, and you can see that he was totally eavesdropping up until this point. Jade seems to take to him rather quickly, asking him all sorts of questions and explaining a myriad of things in return. John doesn't seem to like him as much, but you bet they'll get along once they get to know each other. You can say that you enjoy the company of all three of them. They all seem to have plenty of positive qualities that are attractive in friends for you.

The time seems to pass relatively quickly once you all get into a steady rhythm of dialog. You hope you'll see these three often because they all are interesting in their own way. The chances of you all ending up in the same house are extremely low but you can wish that you at least end up in the same house as one or two of them. Just as there are low chances of you all being in different houses, the probability that you will end up in different houses is also low.

After the long train ride, everyone unloads from the train, and all the nervous first years wait for further instruction. Unfortunately, you're all instructed to climb into small boats and travel across the lake to get to the school. You hope you don't get sea-sick, as you're prone to being, if any of those cruises your mother has brought you on are evidence enough. By some miracle, though, you don't get sick at all! You actually have a great time, as you just continue the discussion you were having with Jade, Dave and John before. Jade is practically vibrating now from excitement, and you can see John's hands quivering. Dave isn't really showing any fear, at least not at the surface, but you're sure he's feeling it.

When you climb out of the boats, you're all guided inside to stand in the foyer leading to the Great Hall. You're made to stand there until further instruction is given. The large group of first years, including yourself and the three others you've befriended, begin chattering with each other in nervous anticipation. In a few moments, you will all be walking down the center of the hall, eyes of the older students all over you. It's both terrifying and exhilarating, and you are awaiting that moment with quivering hands and a nervously bitten lip.

That moment eventually comes, and it come with the loud voice of Professor McGonagall Giving you all instruction, explaining what is about to happen. After a long minute of her talking, she finally invites you all in, leading you up to the front of the Great Hall.

All eyes are on you as you and the rest of the group amble up to the front. It's quite exhilarating, while at the same time being extremely nerve-wracking.

A bunch of names you don't recognize are called, and then eventually you hear John get called up. You watch him stumble up the steps and clumsily sit on the stool. The hat falls over his eyes in an almost comical way, and a few moments later it calls out "Gryffindor" loudly, echoing across the hall.

You next watch Jade get called up. She seems much less intimidated than John had, but you can still see a slight hesitation in her step as she characteristically prances to the stool. It doesn't take very long for the hat to choose Ravenclaw for her, and she quickly hops off the stool and bounds over to the Ravenclaw table.

A few more people are called up before your name is finally announced. You try to be as calm and graceful as possible as you step slowly up to the sorting hat. It is placed on you head and you are able to hear a low, grumbly voice in your head.

"Why what have we here? I remember your mother's time here as a Ravenclaw. She enjoyed it quite well, did she not...? But you are not your mother, obviously. You are quite intelligent and you might feel quite at home in Ravenclaw, but I don't think that is where you truly belong, now is it. No, you are quite the cunning individual. I think you would be more suited to be in..."

"SLYTHERIN!"

You take a moment to register it's words before you slowly raise from the stool and make your way slowly to the Slytherin table. While you're glad to be at least a little separated from the identity of your mother, you understand the stigma surrounding Slytherin. You don't know if you'll be able to handle the hatred you know the rest of the school holds towards Slytherin students in general. For a moment you're terrified about your future at Hogwarts and you're ready to cry.

But then the girl next to you greets you and introduces herself as Kanaya. She is one of the prettiest people you have ever seen. You tell her that your name is Rose and she begins talking to you about anything she can think of. You think she might have been able to tell you were distressed.

With her in your house, you think you might survive the rest of the year.

You can hear a lot of loud talking at the front of the room, but you focus on Kanaya's whispered words. She keeps talking, even when food appears in front of you. She keeps talking until she can visibly see that you've relaxed. The two of you eventually fall into a more relaxed conversation until the prefects have you all stand and begin leading you to the Slytherin dorms.

Once you make it in, you see all your things sitting next to your bed, with Vodka Mutini sitting comfily on your pillow. You lie next to the adorable kitten and contemplate today's events.

It isn't that you didn't want Slytherin, or expect it, but you didn't really think of the consequences of it until after you were sorted. Being in the most hated house will definitely have some effects on your morale. That is a given for sure.

You also kind of expected to be put in Ravenclaw just because that's where you mother was. You thought that house suited you well, despite the fact that you aren't exactly the biggest fan of your mother. The sorting hat seemed to agree that it would be an okay house for you too, and yet it put you in Slytherin.

You're going to have to learn how to live with this, you think, since you can't exactly change the outcome now.

With this thought in your head, you slowly drift to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I really hope you liked it! This one took a lot more time for me to write so it might be a little bit more well-written than the first two... 
> 
> Just to put this little tid-bit of info out there, in this story, Rose's mom is an alcoholic and Rose really hates her for it. Because of this, Rose sees everything her mom does as passive aggressive even if it isn't. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! I really appreciate any feedback! Hopefully the next chapter will be up soon! (I know everyone is itching to see Dave because he's the most popular character and all haha) (don't worry he's my fave too)
> 
>  
> 
> If you have any suggestions or questions or anything, feel free to send me a message or an ask or whatever at https://socksnboots.tumblr.com/
> 
> (please talk to me! I like talking about my au's! please ask questions!)


	4. COOL AND ABUSED AND TERRIFIED IS HE! IT'S DAVE STRIDER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave is finally here! Yay! What do you think his thoughts are about all this Hogwarts garbage??? Let's find out!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise the weird chapter titles based on the Spongebob themesong will stop now. Just focus on the fact that we can actually develop a plot now that these long-ass chapters about fuckall are over. I'm excited to get some actual plot rolling now!
> 
> Enjoy the chapter everyone!

Your name is Dave Strider and boy howdy has your life changed drastically in the past few months.

On your birthday, Bro threw an envelope at you, a letter apparently addressed to you. You were pretty confused since you've never had mail for yourself before. You opened it and the letter inside told you about how you were enrolled in a school for wizards. You were pretty sure it was a prank but you couldn't think of anyone who would want to prank you. You're home-schooled so you don't really know anyone except your Bro.

You ask Bro what the deal is and he tells you he doesn't know and to get out of his face before he beats the shit out of you. You decide that you should probably listen to him since you're still healing from the intense strife the two of you had just yesterday, and you quickly slip back into your room.

You decide to Google Hogwarts to see if there's anything on the internet about it.

You find a couple of results, but they all seem pretty sketchy. One is a blog describing the experiences of someone from a "muggle" family. You understand exactly none of the terminology they're using, and go back to your Google search.

The next one you click on is a post on some weird business site called Serious Business, which talks about how the guy's kid received their Hogwarts letter on their birthday, and how he's so proud to be raising such a bright young man.

You're getting some mixed feelings here at this point because you're pretty sure magic isn't actually a thing, but at the same time you can't really logically explain the letter you received. You decide that maybe you'll check out the 'Diagon Alley' place the letter references. If it exists then you'll... You don't really know what you'll do but you'll do something.

About a week later, once Bro is out of the apartment for the weekend, you follow the directions given in the letter so you can get to Diagon Alley. You have to steal money from Bro to pay for the buses you need to take but you eventually make it to the place it supposedly resides within.

You try not to get your hopes up that it actually does exist because at this point you're pretty intrigued by the possibility of magic actually being a legitimate thing and you don't want to be too disappointed if this all turns out to be some elaborate hoax.

When you actually do find it, however, you're absolutely blown away.

It's a really crowded place when you get there and you spend a really long time just walking around looking at everything. It's astounding. There are people on every side of you, most of them wearing goofy-ass looking robes and you kind of want to laugh but you're too busy seeing actual legitimate magic happening.

As you wander, you keep your guard up, of course. With all these people, the chance of being attacked is pretty damn high and you want to do your Bro proud. You can't let him down by getting attacked and proving to him that his training has all been for nothing. You have to be prepared.

The first shop you walk into is the emptiest one you can find because the crowds all around you are starting to mess with your head and you need to escape for a second.

A bell chimes above you as you open the door and an old man appears behind the counter. He asks you if you're here to buy a wand, and you realize that that's a thing you need so you nod in affirmation. He starts measuring you which is pretty weird and then goes back to grab a wand. He hands it to you and you just kind of stand there confused because what the fuck dude.

He tells you to just wave it around, as if that was the most obvious thing in the world. You wave it and nothing happens. He snatches it away from you which you will never admit maybe made you jump a little.  

He shoves another wand in your hand and you wave it. You hear a huge crash behind you and spin around to see a now shattered flower pot. You swear and expect him to be angry, prepare for the slap or punch or kick to come, but he just takes the wand out of your hands and chuckles to himself about how that definitely isn't the wand for you.

You're a little confused but you keep testing wands until he places a short, plain-looking wand (which apparently contains a phoenix feather) in your hand and claims that's the one. You just kind of accept that because you want to get out of there as soon as you possibly can. He puts the wand in a box and asks for some sort of weird currency you've never heard of before. When he sees the confused look on your face, he asks if your parents had given you any of the currency they use in the wizarding world and you tell him that you came by yourself and that you've never heard of it before.

He just kind of gives you a bewildered look and asks why you came yourself instead of with your family, to which you respond that you're not a kid anymore and you know how to survive on your own, that you don't need your Bro to walk you around like a toddler and tell you how the world works.

He just kind of gives you a look in response. You're not really sure how to classify the look he gives you but it's definitely a look.

And then he offers to bring you to the bank to exchange your money. You don't really know what to say. You're a little offended at first because you're old enough that you should be able to navigate the world on your own and not need help from weird old men. On the other hand, you really have no idea how to navigate this place despite how Bro has taught you, and this guy seems nice enough, considering you broke his pot and he just laughed it off.

You accept his help, telling yourself that he's just helping you do bank stuff and then you'll be on your merry way again.

He leads you out of the store, quickly putting up a closed sign on the door before showing you the way to the large building at the end of the street. You silently chastise yourself because it's fairly obvious and hard to miss. When you walk in, you see rows of weird goblin-looking guys sitting at really high desks.

The two of you go up to one of the desks and the wand guy says that you need to make an exchange, and then motions for you to give your money to the goblin guy.

The day has been a little jarring to say the least already, so you need a minute to process the fact that there are goblins or whatever before you finally comply.

You soon walk out with a pile of heavy coins, which are weighing down your already ill-fitting pants, causing you to readjust more often than you would consider ideal. The wand guy, Olivander as you've now learned, gives you directions to all the places you need to go to buy school stuff, which you suddenly remember is a thing you're here shopping for. He then tells you that if you need any help, feel free to come visit him in his shop again.

You pay for your wand and go through the rest of your shopping in a blur, trying not to freak out too much with all these crowds around you. You buy all the absolutely necessary shit and end up just skipping all the optional stuff because you don't really have time (you also don't want to even go near the pet store right now because you've had enough shock for one day and you're sure there will be weird shit in there).

After a longer-than-planned shopping trip, you leave and manage to find the bus that will take you back to your apartment again. You're really hoping Bro doesn't notice you were gone because if he does you'll have hell to pay.

Luckily, he isn't there when you finally arrive, and you can carefully hide all your purchases in your closet until it's time to start school, since apparently that's an actual thing.

You keep the thought of a wizard school in the back of your mind all the way up until the day you're supposed to catch a train there. You have to pack your stuff the day you leave so Bro doesn't notice because no doubt he'll somehow stop you from going. He isn't very happy about the fact that you'll be away from him, and of course will not be taking you to the train station.

You have to take public transit again, so you end up having to leave in the middle of the night to be able to make the train.

When you finally make it to the train station, you have no idea what platform you have to go to because the platform you're supposed to be looking for apparently doesn't exist. You stand around by platform nine, hoping you'll see someone else who looks wizard-y. You end up seeing someone with an owl in a cage sitting on the top of their luggage and decide it's a safe bet to watch them.

They end up running right through the wall and you just stand there in disbelief. You're infinitely grateful for your shades right now because you know your eyes are as wide as your mom's asshole after you're done with her. The 'your' isn't referring to your own mom specifically, but just a generic mom who does anal with you because your dick is so damn huge. Okay, maybe that simile was a little much but you get the general idea. You're pretty freaked out by people seemingly walking through walls.

You decide to wait a little longer just in case maybe you're seeing things and that was a weird fluke. You end up seeing a father and his two kids do the same thing so you assume it's some weird wizard thing and try doing it yourself.

By some miracle, you actually make it through the wall and onto the other side. You can see a big, old-fashioned train. You follow what everyone else is doing and finally manage to board. Apparently you're a little later than most people because most of the compartments are already full. Before you can even manage to find somewhere to sit, the train begins moving.

You enter the first compartment you can find that has space and ask the people inside if you can sit with them. They all look about your age so you're pretty confident you won't freak out around them like you did in Diagon Alley. You're told you can sit with them and you plunk yourself down in your seat.

You're pretty exhausted already so you just plug in some headphones and listen to your mixes for a while. Well, you 'listen' because you also kind of eavesdrop on their conversation. You're pretty sure nobody notices so it probably isn't a huge deal.

These kids all seem to know stuff about the school though, so you eventually join in on their conversation. The dark-haired girl, Jade, seems to be somewhat of an expert and thankfully tells you a lot about the school, including about the four houses everyone gets sorted into. It's all pretty confusing but Slytherin seems like the most bad-ass house so you're probably going to end up there. If not then hopefully Gryffindor. From what Jade has told you, Ravenclaw sounds really boring and Hufflepuff just kind of sounds like a bunch of pansies, which you are not.

She also asks you a lot about what it's like growing up in a muggle family, and after a brief explanation of the definition of the term 'muggle,' you tell her about all the basics like phones and TV and stuff. She seems pretty excited about it all, and you're a little bewildered that wizards don't know what phones are or anything like that.

In general, it's a really long ride to get to Hogwarts, but these three are pretty entertaining. Jade is pretty cool from what you can tell, even though she emotes far more than you would consider necessary. You like her all the same though. She's also built like a tank which you won't admit you're a bit envious of.

John seems to despise you, but you can handle a little hate. He definitely seems like he'll end up in Hufflepuff so you won't have to deal with him anymore after this train ride.

Rose is a bit more difficult to read. She also seems like she's an expert at reading people, so you're a little hesitant around her. You don't know what she wants or if she'll do something when you don't expect it. You will admit she's pretty scary and you think you'll try to avoid her for the rest of the year if you can help it.

For all the shit talk though, you're glad that at least they're here to help pass the time. It really helps to calm your nerves.

Once the train finally stops, you're instructed to get on some boats. It's all pretty weird and you really don't trust it, but Jade seems confident about it, and if she can then you can be too, god damn it.

One boat ride later and you're finally at the fucking school, which is a really bizarre moment for you because not long ago you were still trying to decide if this was all real or not. When you step inside, all you see is a huge foyer and the entire place seems like it's too good to be hosting your ratty ass, and yet you're still here.

There's  huge crowd of first years gathered all around you and you just want to get out of the crowds. You've learned recently that you hate crowds and that is still a thing at this moment and you want to get out of here before someone inevitably jumps your ass.

An old lady eventually comes in and gives you all some sort of speech you're sure nobody is actually listening to, and then she leads you all to through the rows of tables to the front of this big-ass hall. There are even more eyes on you in here and your anxiety goes through the roof, but you know better than to show any sort of fear so you keep your face blank underneath your shades.

She starts calling names and one-by-one, kids leave the larger group to join different tables. You watch as the three others you met on the train get sorted and just desperately hope that maybe you end up in Ravenclaw so you can be with Jade. Jade seems to know what she's doing and you need that kind of stability in your life right now. Or maybe Slytherin. That house seems even more bad-ass now that you've heard more about it from one of the teachers.

When you're called up, you coolly stride up the steps and plunk your ass down on the stool, a constant mantra of 'Slytherin, Slytherin, Slytherin' running through your head. It's really bizarre when you hear a voice respond, saying "Slytherin, hmmm? Why, you're one of the least cunning people I've ever had to sort. You would never survive a day in Slytherin.'

You have to say you're more than a little insulted, and he hems and haws for a bit before shouting "HUFFLEPUFF" loudly for the crowd to hear.

You sit there for a second to process what the hat just said, and then look for the table adorned in yellow and black. You make your way toward it, disappointed in yourself for ending up in this house of all options, and worried about what Bro would do if he found out you're in the house for whiny bitches. You vow that you'll never tell Bro, not that he would even ask in the first place anyway.

After the sorting is done, there's another speech about rules and stuff, and then a shit-ton of food appears on the tables and it is more food than you've ever seen in one place before. How do they manage to make all this food???

You stack as much as you can on your plate and scarf it down out of habit. You wish you had some tupperware with you so you could stash some away for later just in case they stop feeding you later, but since you didn't think that far ahead when packing, you can't do that.

When dinner disappears and you've eaten so much you feel like you might vomit, some dude with a nerdy badge on his robe tells you all to follow him and brings you down to a weird painting of a pear. He then tickles the pear for some fuckin' reason, but then the painting starts moving and reveals the place where you will apparently be staying for the rest of the year. By the time you're shown to your bed, you're more than ready to collapse, and you fall asleep relatively quickly afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty so the little babu Dave is a Hufflepuff now! (muahahaha put them all in different houses)
> 
> I know this chapter was a little longer than the other ones but there was a lot of stuff I wanted to cover with Dave. Also the "you are the least cunning person I've ever met" thing was something I actually saw in a tumblr post and maybe if I can find it again I'll link it so everyone can see it (unless the person who made the post is reading this, in which case, hi! loved the post!)
> 
> Get ready for more John next chapter! I hope to update this a little quicker next time, but this week is going to be super busy so don't get too upset if it's a little delayed...
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Please leave comments! They always make my day! Like I get so excited when I see the notification in my email! It's great!
> 
>  
> 
> If you have any suggestions or questions or anything, feel free to send me a message or an ask or whatever at https://fishpunsarefintastic.tumblr.com/
> 
> (please talk to me! I like talking about my au's! please ask questions!)


	5. John: Go to your first class ever at Hogwarts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprise surprise, 413 update. John goes to class and meets people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for not updating in like two months or something like that, but I've been busy lately with both school and recent musical obsessions (Gorillaz has new music and I learned that Bo Burnham did another Netflix special last year). I'll hopefully bust out another chapter this week since it's exam week and all my exams are essays. I also just don't want to study in general so I'll do writing instead. Updates might slow down during the summer but I'll try to post at least two chapters.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

Your first class ever at Hogwarts is Defence Against the Dark Arts, a class  you apparently share with the first-year Slytherins. It took you longer than you would like to admit to find the classroom but you managed to get there just fine in the end (those staircases can go to hell). You're more than a little nervous that you might embarrass yourself in front of everybody and since you want to have friends, you kind of want to avoid any embarrassment if at all possible. You can't make friends if you have a bad reputation following you everywhere! Good first impressions are key!

You walk in and sit down at a table right in the back, against your better judgement considering you have pretty crappy vision as it is, but you don't want to seem like a nerd or anything by sitting in the front. Again, impressions!

You watch as other kids slowly trickle in and take seats all around the room. You're slightly taken aback when you see that one girl who was on the train with you walk in. The blonde one that was wearing dark, heavy makeup around her eyes. She was a little scary but she was nice enough.

You feel a little awkward about not realising she was sorted into Slytherin. You didn't exactly pay attention to anyone else's sorting after you were put in Gryffindor after all. You're also a little ashamed that you can't remember what her name was. Rachel? Ruby? Roxy?

She seems to spot you and makes her way over to the empty seat next to you.

"Nice to meet you again, John," she says. Great, now you feel even worse. How did she remember your name?

You try to act casual about it. Surely someone will say her name eventually and you'll be in the clear. "Hey, how's it going?" you respond.

"About as well as you can imagine, I'm sure. Everyone is relatively nice so far I suppose."

Another girl sits next to what's-her-face. This one has short, flippy-looking hair. It looks like she's done some modifications on her robes or something. The stitches look a little clumsy but the alterations she has made are subtle and look decent, if slightly more stylish than the regular robes everyone else has.

"Oh, I suppose I should introduce the two of you. John, this is Kanaya. Kanaya, this is John. I believe I have mentioned him once or twice to you before, Kanaya."

The fact that this girl has been talking about you but you can't even remember her name makes you feel extremely terrible, but you're saved when Kanaya says, "Ah, yes. Rose said you seemed fairly pleasant on the train ride here. Pleasure to make your acquaintance."

You're just about ready to kiss Kanaya with how perfectly she saved your ass, but instead opt to shake her hand like a normal person. The three of you chat for a bit, until a jittery man with a big headscarf on walks briskly into the room and hesitantly calls you all to attention.

" May I have e-everyone's at-ttention please?" The room falls silent and he continues speaking. " I am P-Professor Quirrell. I will be your Defence Against the D-Dark Arts Professor this year. I expect everyone to b-be on their b-best behaviour throughout the year."

He stutters through his entire introduction like this, which makes it a little hard to follow what he is saying sometimes. He tells you all what the class will entail for your first year and the kinds of things you should expect and prepare for. The class eventually ends with some homework due next class, just basic stuff that can be found in the first few pages of the textbook. It was a decent class all the same though. At least he doesn't seem like he'll have the courage to tell you to behave if any of you get out of line.

Rose doesn't seem to like him, and you're not totally sure why. She said he gave off some pretty bad vibes when he walked past your desk after class ended. You don't know how accurate Rose' bad-person-detector is so you're going to take her opinion with a grain of salt for the time being. He seems weird but he also looks pretty harmless overall.

"I'll see you later, John," Rose calls out to you as the two of you part ways and head to your respective classes.

"Bye!" you shout back, "And it was nice to meet you, Kanaya!"

Kanaya waves back to you before turning back to Rose again.

As you make your way back to the Gryffindor dormitory, a boy who you vaguely remember sitting at the table near at the sorting ceremony comes running up behind you. Okay, well, he wasn't exactly running, but he was speed walking like nobody's business.

"You'd better stay away from her, you know," he says, warning lacing his every word.

You're a little confused because you haven't really talked to this kid. Yeah, he's in the same dorm as you, but you don't know him that well. You have no idea who he's talking about either because Rose and Kanaya are the only girls you've spoken to today, and they're both in Slytherin so you don't think this kid knows either of them.

"What?" you reply oh so eloquently.

"Kanaya. Stay away from her," he snips back, sounding kind of like a small, yappy dog.

"Why?" you ask, since this kid just sort of came up to you and started getting angry and you have every right to question him and his motives.

"She's my cousin. Stay away from her. She's had enough boy trouble as it is lately. I don't need another kid getting a crush on her when Eridan only broke up with her a month ago."

"Okay, well I'm not trying to get a girlfriend right now," you retaliate, even though there's really not much of an argument in that statement.

This seems to appease him though, and as you start walking away he follows.

"I'm Karkat."

"I'm John," you tell him in return.

"So what did you think of Defense Against the Dark Arts?" he asks, trying to start a conversation as if he hadn't just gotten mad at you for talking to his cousin.

"It was pretty boring. I really don't want to do the homework either. I mean, we just started school! Can't they give us a break?" you exclaim. This kid came on strong, but he seems like he's trying to make up for that with casual conversation now, so you'll let it slide.

"Yeah, I know. I don't have time to read all these textbooks. I barely have enough time to finish one god damn novel, let alone get in time to do my homework and all the reading we have to do. When am I supposed to have time to myself when I keep getting homework that takes up 70 percent of my waking hours?"

This kid is loud. You kind of already knew that, since you're usually in the room when he decides to yell at that Tavros kid at night for taking up too much space with his wheelchair, but you didn't realise his normal speaking volume was 90 decibels. You just assumed he could speak quietly, or at least at a normal speaking volume, but apparently that's not the case for him.

"Yeah, it kind of sucks. Not looking forward to all the studying we probably have to do at the end of the year either for exams and stuff. My dad said the exams can be pretty tough if you don't study for them," you respond, trying to keep the discussion civil, since you've seen this kid go off on a few people in the past few days.

"Don't even remind me," he says, "I'm terrible at any form of test taking, no matter how much I prepare for it."

"I've never actually done any exams before but I think they're supposed to be really hard to do from what I've heard."

"Yeah," he says, before falling silent.

You soon make it to the Gryffindor common room door, the one hidden by the painting of the fat lady. She's sleeping when you walk up to her, which is a little weird considering it's the middle of the afternoon. Karkat seems to not care about social cues or the fact that yelling at innocent people isn't really acceptable, because he wastes no time walking right up in front of her painting and shouting "Wake up, fucking turd muncher!"

She jolts awake and you give her an apologetic look as she glares at the two of you. Karkat seems to have no remorse, as he says the password to her as soon as she looks conscious enough to comprehend it.

"Well that's no way to wake someone," she huffs, crossing her arms and continuing to glare, directing it more towards Karkat now.

Karkat repeats the password again, this time with a more threatening tone in his voice. Wow, this kid really knows how to go from 0 to 60 in a heartbeat. You were having a conversation with him not two minutes ago and now he's mad again.

The fat lady doesn't say anything else and continues to stare. It takes a while for her to open the doorway, and you think she was expecting some sort of apology from Karkat, but that never comes as he steps through the door and groans loudly about how inconsiderate people can be.

You follow behind him, but thank the lady as you pass in an effort to seem at least somewhat polite. You watch as Karkat huffs some more and throws his bag and books across the common room table, the good one right across from the fireplace. He slumps onto one of the chairs and stares at his school bag, as if trying to will himself to start hid Defense Against the Dark Arts homework now so he won't have to do it later.

You try to encourage him by pulling your own books out of your bag as you sit down in the chair next to his, getting out a quill and ink and writing down his name at that top of the piece of parchment. Karkat follows suit soon after, pulling out his own supplies and asking you what you think the answer is for the first question.

The two of you spend about half an hour working on the homework before you eventually get bored and begin to get more and more off topic in your conversations. After a while, you decide to just pack up your bag and head up to your dorm so you can continue your conversation in a more private place.

That Tavros kid comes in at some point and joins in the conversation too, and you all get to know each other pretty well by the end of the night.

At least your dad will be happy to know you're making friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, thanks so much for reading! I know this was probably kind of crappy but I wanted to do a 413 post so...
> 
> If you have any questions or comments or just plain want to chat, you can talk to me over on my blog fishpunsarefintastic.tumblr.com
> 
> Feel free to comment down here too! I love reading comments soooo much, even if it's a criticism about my writing! If you think I can do something to make this better, feel free to tell me.

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any suggestions or questions or anything, feel free to send me a message or an ask or whatever at https://fishpunsarefintastic.tumblr.com/
> 
> (please talk to me! I like talking about my au's! please ask questions!)


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